Stadium akhir.

Maaf sekali lagi harus curhat karena aku ngerasa penyakit Kpopku sudah nggak bisa tertolong lagi.

Nggak tau apa yang ada di otakku, tapi *sigh* tolong saya atas obsesi ini!!

Saya takut jatuh, saya takut nggak bisa lagi melihat realitas..

I have faith but i don't think that it works.

Well, aku selalu berpikir suatu saat nanti pasti aku bisa pelan-pelan mewujudkan mimpiku. Banyak orang bilang mustahil, tapi kita semua nggak pernah tau kapan keajaiban terjadi, kapan Tuhan akhirnya bilang "Waktunya sudah tepat untukmu", kapan akhirnnya kita bukan nangis karena sedih mimpi kita terdengar menyedihkan tapi nangis karena bahagia, kapan akhirnya apel bisa tumbuh di pohon pisang. 

Some says purple, Some says violet.

Whatever people, whatever it is i'll get.

Tapi untuk sekarang semua terlalu menjemukan dan aku mulai merasa kalo aku sendiri membuat hidupku begitu menyedihkan. Menyedihkan?

Ya.

Dear Lord, what should i do?

cr: http://cathysquarepants.deviantart.com

Wildflower

Sometimes i questioned myself, why i was born like this and why i had this way of life.
If most of the girls out there portraying themselves as a flower, maybe i'm just a wildflower.
My presence is not expected, grow up everywhere i want.

But still looks the same from afar..

cr:  wildflowerfashion.blogspot.com

I found it weird,
How i think that hanging out with boys is much more convenient rather than with girls.

No need to be someone else, no need to act pretty, no need to be pampered.

Girls are just girls, they use all their feeling but hardly understand other's feeling.

It's not that i'm 100% not doing that, but sometimes that excessive attitude is just irritating.

I'm just another normal girl,
but i have different point of view.
They are proud of having red-sole heels, i'm proud just having my sneakers.
They are proud to look pretty everywhere they go, what kind of girl doesn't want to look pretty?
They are proud eating in a fine dining restaurant, having a simple meal is more than enough for me..

They said i'm a freak,

maybe.

Moving In.

This past couple months had been really hectic. I just moved into a new rented house and i'm not living in my boarding house any longer. There are many things to pack, many things to throw at garbage. As it goes, when i packed some old stuffs it kinda bring back some old memories which give happy and sad feel at the same time..

There are some memories that i want to keep. Some things make me smile just by seeing them. I just re-arranged my file holder when i found my old drawing. It was reallybad. LOL. Then i found another drawings, my design. Yes, i used to have a dream as a fashion designer. I draw a lot but it was bad. It was really bad.

I found my test and exam paper when i was in Junior High. Looking at those marks now seems like it was so easy to achieve. Nowadays everything just getting harder in college *for sure*

Sweet Seventeen Invitation. Since i kept all of them because most of them are really nice, while re-arranging i kinda miss the atmosphere of it. The games, polonaise, photobooth, dinner, dresscode, suprises, doorprize, disco time. Too bad, i'm getting older now.. Hahaha.

But i can't keep everything forever. There are a lot of things i need to throw. Those memories. It's the same like in this live, you only want to keep the good ones and leave the bad ones unless you want to keep the garbage.

My room is like a mess now. Sometimes i get slightly mad at my Mom, she's the one who ask me to keep my room neat yet she put a lot of stuffs in my room. Mom please let my room at least only filled with my stuffs, not anyone's stuffs! It's irritating. I also want a clean and neat room though..

When you move, there must be something to erase, to leave. Like in this reality, when you try to move on, there must be something to erase, something to leave..

Does miracle exist?

I keep questioning myself. Does miracle exist? Does hoping for something too much is okay? What am i gonna do if i spend my whole life only dreaming but achieve nothing?

The problem is, i do whatever it is to reach it but there's no way that lead me into my goals. I feel like my luck is really pitiful. I have faith in me. I believe that i can. But when? Seems like i lost my patience to wait.

Same thing happens over and over again,

whether it's 2008 or 2012. I heard a lot of "One day, soon, you can" which keep my head held up high. But am i being too confidence? Or this is the reality that i am just a pity daydreamer?

Dream Chaser.

I dreamed about dancing in the air,
I dreamed about lying on the clouds,
Floating.. Free.

When it comes to night, empty skies are all i see..
Where are the stars, where is the moon?
They hide and keep themselves safe.

I am lost unto nowhere,
laughed even i'm not supposed to
dragged into this sadness, which i don't even know why.

I can only hold onto this faith.
I don't know maybe someday..
somewhere,
somehow,
I'll get there without you knowing.