That XX

I feel so confused lately, with myself. I think all this time i've been doing something wrong, something pathetic. It is really bad and I think that I lost my old self.

I didn't know since when i became a fangirl. All I can remember is that i was so crazy about F4, about Vic Zhou. Then I started to like The Click Five, buys all of their cassettes. Kim Jeong Hoon, David Archuleta, Kyuhyun, SHINee, and Infinite follow after. I just want a normal life.

I thought after watching Infinite's concert last month, I could be better. I could see what reality is, and try to open up my eyes. But it turns that i could not move on. It is getting worse. I am getting more and more obsessed with them. The worst is.. I'm afraid of losing them. They are like parasite sticking all over my brain.

What I wanna say here is about Myungsoo's Dating Scandal. I am truly sad and disappointed to be honest. Even though I try so hard to let it go and open up my eyes more. I am sad because he is taken by someone I guess he don't deserves. The entertainment company denies the rumor, but i don't think so since the girl and Myungsoo himself did't continue to clarifies.

It doesn't matter who he dates, sooner or later he will also be somebody's. I will try to be happy if he's happy, but definitely not this girl. I am so frustrated waiting for Myungsoo to clarifies the rumor. I just hate that choco-holic girl. She's too fake to be true, to be honest. I don't like the way she dressed, her fake jawline, the way she makes things up like this. Why do this now? Infinite is just reach their top with their world tour and this rumor messed it up. If you really want to publicize your relationship, why do that in an inappropriate way? Do you know how many fans' heart broke? Let's say if she try to do in a proper way, maybe we could try to understand and let it go even our heart hurt so much. We just a fan. Someone who cheer and support our Idols behind.

we cry, when they cry..

we laugh, when they laugh..

we just a shadow to them..

and no matter how hard we chase, it is hard to catch them up..

they don't know each of us, but they know our presence..

that's why i keep believing that someday they could recognize me.

I feel like I am living in another life. With fluffy white clouds, blue skies and rainbow around me. At night, i could pick a star and write my wish there. I am falling to deep in my fantasy and too busy dreaming..

Is there somebody who could wake me up?