Spill of tears: An Angel.

Okay, so let’s take a deep breath and i’ll start to spill everything here. I know it’s going to be a long long long story, that's why i divided this into few parts. Hopefully, it’ll open your eyes and yeah well.. try to understand a fangirl’s feeling J

So, It was all began in 2006, I was fell for a group of guy from Boston, Massachusets. They are all good looking boys from Berklee College of Music so no need to hesitate about their music! They named themselves “The Click Five”. And from them, my fangirling stories begin..

I remember it was my last year on elementary school and i was so crazy about them. I tell everybody i love them, even some of my friends also started to fell for them too. Their songs “Just the Girl”, “Catch Your Wave”, “Good day” are something i used to hear almost everyday. From the beginning and even after i knew them, i always know that i love to sing, but i still have no confidence about it. I feel like i’m lacking and i don’t want to be embarrassed to show my talents.

2 years passed and i’m no longer a fangirl of The Click Five. For a moment, i succeded to be a normal –junior high school-girl. Until around late April 2008, another.. ah, what should i say this? Angel? Okay, another angel come to my life. I was laid down in my bed, feeling bored and switching my TV channels here and there, and suddenly stuck on a show, American Idol. It was their 7th season and i didn’t watch it since the beginning. Then i told myself “Okay, let’s try to watch it!”.  I’m not a big fan of American Idol, but i did know some of the alumnus like Kelly Clarkson, Clay Aiken, Jennifer Hudson,  Carrie Underwood, Katherine McPhee, Jordin Sparks, Chris Daughtry.. Those amazing singers, who doesn’t recognize them?

There’s a young innocent looking guy standing on a huge stage. He was wearing maroon v-neck tee with flying birds print on the side of it. He sing “Stand By Me” and at the last part he twisted the song with adding a little piece of Sean Kingston’s “Beautiful Girl”

OH MY GOD!! SERIOUSLY, WHILE I WAS TYPING THIS, Okay.. I was in my store, helping my dad. I was typing this story exactly on this “Stand by me” part and suddenly music from the mall’s central is playing “Stand by me” DANG!! GOD!!! IS IT YOUR SIGN??? :’D Amazing..

His name is David Archuleta. From the moment he smiles after he sing that time, i know that i will fall for him for a long time. And until this second, I’m still a huge fan of him. It’s been 5 years. Yeah, eventhough i’m cheating with SHINee and Infinite, but David.. You know how i really feel for you, right? He is sooo humble and encourage me a lot trough music. He’s the first person who turns my hobby into passion. He turns me into a shy girl who always cry at the end of the performance into quite-confident girl who still try to beat the stage.

I used to be so obsessed with him. I even remember his locker number in high school. But now, that i’ve grown up that obsession turns into motivation. Because of him, i want to sing more with all my soul and that’s the reason why i fell for him. He sings with his soul. He speaks trough his songs.

Though i once missed a chance to meet him on 2011, but one day for sure I’ll see him close enough until i no longer cry because of sadness, but happiness. When that time comes, i want to sing for him with all my soul. I am not as awesome as he is in music, but when the time comes, i’ll do it to show him how much he had influenced me.

To be continued..

Infinitely K-Pop

Setelah bersibuk-sibuk ria dengan segala kegiatan saya akhir-akhir ini di kampus, otak yang semakin tak terkontrol arahnya mau mikir ke mana, pelajaran kuliah yang semakin lama semakin membuat hidup saya menyedihkan, saya masih tidak bisa lepas dari satu hal..

KPOP.

Setelah puas menangis dan bertahan dengan mata panda selama kurang lebih 3 hari, efek galau masih belum dapat di hapuskan. Kenyataan bahwa aku nggak bisa menggunakan kesempatan nonton Music Bank dengan baik memang sungguh pahit. PAHIT.. BANGET.

Akhir-akhir ini juga saya jadi semakin tergila-gila sama Infinite, apalagi Myungsoo. Andai habis Music Bank bisa kubawa pulang dan kuculik dia di rumah. And guess what, March is awesomely daebak! SHINee comeback, Infinite comeback, David Archuleta new album. Gila saya benar-benar ingin beli semuanya, tapi DUIT GUWEH..

Sedih ya..

TRAUMA. Jaman sekarang ya, kalo orang Surabaya bilang jek usum ta (apa masih jamannya) nipu lewat online shop? Guweh stress mamen, duit 160 ribu melayang ditelan penipu. Emang sih, mau diapain lagi, cuma aku sangat-sangat-super-duper-hyper puingin album SHINee Dream Girl. At least, kalo mau nipu kirimin yang bajakan kek apa kek, ini main tinggal lari mana masih bisa caci maki customer. Eh salah, KORBAN BUKAN CUSTOMER. Bete saya.

Buat semua, KPopers jangan tergiur album harga murah ya. Lain kali mending beli yang agak mahal tapi sellernya bener-bener trusted. Saya beneran belajar banyak dari kejadian ini. Uang dan dream girl semua melayang :')

Hati-hati sama seller album Kpop dengan nama "Music Connection" atau "Musiq Conneqtion" pemiliknya namanya Rendy, pas baca-baca di kaskus sih katanya anak UPH 2009. GAK PEDULI! Mau UPH, UPI, UPJ.. KIRIMIN ALBUM PESENAN AKU! :'( 

Dia pake nama samaran kalo di sms, Angel. Heran, masih berani jadi bencong juga ini orang. Udah banyak yang ketipu bahkan ada yang sampe jutaan, jadi hati-hati ya. FBnya udah di hapus, berdoa sajalah semoga ia mendapat ganjaran yang sepantasnya. Sedih, tiap kali mau beli album original SHINee selalu aja ketipu :'(

Tapi, kalo emang ditakdirkan buat punya, suatu saat pasti bisa dapet penggantinya kan? :')

No Matter How Far

No matter how far, i will stay still waiting for you..

No matter how far as long as we're steppin' on the same ground,

I still believe that one day i could meet you

Your album title is so simple, but means a lot to most of us.

We miss David.

We simply miss to watch you perform on stage,

We miss your dorky video blog,

We miss your warm voice,

We miss your giggles,

We miss you.

Cannot wait to have it. Hope it is available in Indonesia! Best luck for your mission, D!

 Less than a year left and i will always hope to meet you soon!

#DA2014

"Because with you, my dreams seem really close"

Officialy 19 since yesterday. Time goes by really fast isn't it? Seems like it was just yesterday when i celebrated my 15th birthday in junior high school. Then my 17th, when finally people start to call you "woman" instead of "girl". Next year i'll be 20th, 1/5 of century. Am i that old already?

I have no other intention for this year forward except to be grateful. Grateful for what i have in this life. Try to look down instead of always look up.

I still the same person until now, and i feel blessed to have so many people around me. Well, i might not now how much they care about me but i can say that they make my dreams seem really close! They make me even more believe that i can be what i want to be all this time. I can reach the unreachable.. like what Guy Sebastian sang in his song "Taller Stronger Better"

So, here they are some wishes they wrote for me. Thanks a lot guys! That's a really nice of you all!
(You can click the picture to enlarge)

Fei-fei, She sent me this early in the morning :*

 One of the greatest wish, Thanks ce Gebe! :D

Jajjan~ even the most quiet person in my class! Proud of you IP! :D

 Should i call it wish? LOL. Thank you anyway egyjelek! 

 Your wishes are gonna be paid one day! So thank you :*

 EPIC Daniel!

 From twitter, thank you everyone! :*

And, special thanks for Candy, Nila, Devi and Daniel for the "Surprise"; Jojo who sent me such a nice present, i miss you so much!!! Thanks for the "Key's pick"; Stella who called me far far away from Taiwan, aaaaw! See you soon! :*

Thank you everyone! You mean a lot to me :'D

At the end, i once regret being such a really pitiful dreamer, but i realize that it is great to dream big! I know what i want to achieve and i'm planning to have a very well future ahead. Let's wish that this year would be amazing!

Bucket full of dreams.

I have a bucket full of dreams..

I dream to dance "Replay" together with SHINee..
The song that makes me fell for them.
But this is just ridiculous and no one would believe in me.
"You fool, they're just another human being"
I put a lot of effort to get that chance, but i gain nothing.

I dream to sing a duet with David Archuleta, any kind of songs he wants..
Because of him i know what is my passion, Singing.
I want to sing like everyday.
I want to sing even if i can't sing anymore.

I dream to have my own stage..
But once again i laughed, because i'm lack of confidence.
And i just become a clown for some of them,
because of its absurdity.

I dream to show the world
That there's nothing wrong to have a dream
That there's nothing wrong to cry and act like a fool
Just because you want it so bad
Just because you want this short life become meaningful.

I dream to have my parents hug me tight and say "You make me proud"
Because i didn't know how far i made them worry
Because i feel useless as the only duaghter

I dream to make it all come true..
Though i don't know when, how, and what is my destiny
Though i don't know how much did i supposed to put my efforts into it
Though i don't know until when i have to keep my faith
Though i don't know how to keep my jealousy over them
Though i don't know how to achieve..

I do keep my faith,
It is just "How long do i have to wait?"
I do believe that everything is possible for me,
because God is good. He is.

They say when you say you can't then you really can't.
But when you believe you can, then you can.

I have a bucket full of dreams..

I'll rise it up high and won't wake up before it's over.

Merry Late Christmas and Stuffs.

First of all, Merry Christmas for all the people in the universe. It must be heartwarming watching all those red-green stuffs everywhere with big-fat-white beard man wearing red suit, Santa Claus. Do you have a great one?

I was excited about this Christmas. The same feeling every year. I was wondering if Santa come in the midnight, creeping into my living room to put some gift under the Christmas tree. HELLO PEOPLE! THIS IS MY FIRST TIME, AFTER 8 YEARS CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS WITHOUT CHRISTMAS TREE! I know i'm almost 19 years old, yet i still believe those stuffs. 

Anyway, there's nothing special happen this Christmas. I actually felt quite guilty since *I ADMIT IT GOD, I'M SO SORRY* I didn't go to church for almost a month? more? I didn't join the 4 weeks of advents, and i just came right away on Christmas Mass. Such a sinner..

Maybe i lost the meaning of Christmas. It didn't happen to be the time where we supposed to gather around with our family. Both my parents are off to work, well they have no day-offs. Me? i spent this Christmas by watching Running Man. In my room. Alone. Like a lonely kitty watching the gleams of Christmas light outside, inside i'm quite empty.. Miaow!

But it's good then if you had a great Christmas back then!

***

28th December! *drum rolls*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THIS GUY BELOW!

It's been 4 years. LIKE WOW. How do you do? I do miss your blog and your vlog. Your goofy-ness and dorky-ness? You still the same guy who captured my heart just by listening to your voice. I never forget the day you sang "Stand by Me" and "Love Me Tender" on American Idol Top 4 performance, and i just melted right away.

I also can't forget every competition i took just to win you autographed photo, books, or any kind of stuffs about you. The most unforgettable one was the day you finally came to Indonesia and i was spending my time home crying since i let my chance gone away to see you. If i were there back to that day, maybe i've already took a picture with you, telling you how much you meant to me, show my support to you, AND I BUY EVERY SINGLE ALBUM YOU LAUNCHED. ALL ORIGINAL! You have to know that this is my very first time collecting such a huge number of album from the same singer.

Yet i won't regret it, because i know i have a better chance to meet you soon enough. Soon enough after you're back. 2014? I'll wait. Whenever it is, as long as i could meet you. As long as i could tell you that i've never ever been such a fan like this before and as long as you know how you are means a lot to my dreams and hopes.

Happy birthday David, I can't say much but i love you!

***

Still 29th December..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SUPER DUPER MEGA KPOP BESTIES "STEFANA KARENILA" and her twin Stefani Karenita! Stay awesome and fantastic baby!

Let's go to Seoul together soon enough! Let's finish our ASP Project! Let's watch KPOP concert live soon enough! Let's meet our bias (You go to TOP and BigBang, I go to Key and SHINee) 

우리 둘이 같이 가자! 서울!! 우릴 위해 기다려주세요 :D

40 Random Quiz

Got this from Candy's..

1. Three things I want to say to three different people.

Mom, happy mother's day. I know we've been trough a lot of rough and good times and it's never easy for me to say i love you, but i really do.

David Archuleta, how is it going there? 2012 almost end. Another year to wait for your comeback. Are you doing well? Take care of yourself and stay awesome instead! I wish one day i could really meet you in person, this has been my wish ever since 2008, and i'm looking forward to make it happen really soon! :)

SHINee 오빠들, 나는 할 말이 혼란 스러워요. 오빠들 때문에, 난 지금 한국어 공부해요. SHINee를 정말 보고싶었어요. 난 그냥 새롭게 팬이고, 난 알아. 하지만 언젠가 제가 너희 모두 충족 할 것으로 기대 막을 수 없어. 널 지원하기 위해 여기 있다는 걸 주시기 바랍니다. 사람들 보여 줄게, 사과도 바나나 나무에 성장합니다. 우리가 서로 만날거야, 그래요? 많이 많이 사랑해요 오빠!! 샤이니 짱!!! 

2. One of my insecurities. My dreams.

3. What turns me on. Singing.

4. One of my bad habits. Moody. 

5. Who I wish I could be. Better me.

6. Where I want to be right now. Seoul!

7. The last thing I ate. Papaya.

8. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately. Taylor Lautner.

9. What song I’m currently listening to. The World With You - SHINee

10. The last time I cried and why. Yesterday, i was mad because of many things.

11. Something I’m excited about. Christmas!

12. 5 things I like about myself and 5 things I dislike about myself.

Like: Talented, creative, funny, willing to achieve something i really want, thinking of something new

Dislike: Moody, perfectionist, emotional, niggard, lazy

13. Three things I want right now. Music bank ticket, lots of new clothes (esp. that Luhan jacket, i've already ordered though, hehe), pass all my courses.

14. Are you wearing a necklace, who got it for you, where’s it from?  yes, my Mom bought it.

15. How long was your last phone conversation? few minutes ago, about less than a minute?

16. What are you looking forward to? ASP this year, reaching Korea in 2013.

17. Did you get anything off your chest today? ha?

18. How many rings do you usually wear? one.

19. Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation?  Neither. S.E.O.U.L !!

20. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants? shorts.

21. Do you call it fall or autumn?  fall.

22. Are you an emotional person?  yes and yes.

23. It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely from? Operator -___-

24. Do you like long car rides?  okay.

25. Do you have an adult you can talk to about anything? no one no one no oneeeee *singing alicia key's*

26. Last time you saw your dad? He was just come into my room.

27. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle? no.

28. Do you do your own laundry? sometimes for some stuffs.

29. Would you like the ability to read minds?  it'll be awesome!

30. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? who never see me cry? 

31. You’re thinking about a certain person right now, aren’t you? yes.

32. What will you be doing in five years? At least i go to Korea and watch either SHINee's or David Archuleta's concert. Graduated with satisfying achievement.

34. Last 2 people to text you? Smartfren and Karenila. 

35. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? Yes of course !

36. Do you like to cuddle? yes?

37. When angry, do you get loud or quiet? quiet.

38. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? ha? i don't know and don't think so.

39. Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex? yea.

40. How’s your hair right now?

Like this?

Does miracle exist?

I keep questioning myself. Does miracle exist? Does hoping for something too much is okay? What am i gonna do if i spend my whole life only dreaming but achieve nothing?

The problem is, i do whatever it is to reach it but there's no way that lead me into my goals. I feel like my luck is really pitiful. I have faith in me. I believe that i can. But when? Seems like i lost my patience to wait.

Same thing happens over and over again,

whether it's 2008 or 2012. I heard a lot of "One day, soon, you can" which keep my head held up high. But am i being too confidence? Or this is the reality that i am just a pity daydreamer?

Dream Chaser.

I dreamed about dancing in the air,
I dreamed about lying on the clouds,
Floating.. Free.

When it comes to night, empty skies are all i see..
Where are the stars, where is the moon?
They hide and keep themselves safe.

I am lost unto nowhere,
laughed even i'm not supposed to
dragged into this sadness, which i don't even know why.

I can only hold onto this faith.
I don't know maybe someday..
somewhere,
somehow,
I'll get there without you knowing.

Sky High, Dream High.

Tutorial class' fun assignment this week. Art, dreams and hopes. When you combined them all, there comes a miracle. These are something that i really love, so i put a lot of effort to it and my marks better be good. 

12:04 AM here, but i'm still awake since one more assignment awaits. 

Tadaaa!! (The airplane below can move across the countries. LOL)

Some says that soon this will crashed into a junk, our frontline only mark the artwork and they would say "Imagine if your dream CRASH like this," while they crashing our artwork. No, i won't let it happen to mine uh oh big NO NO!!

Make our parents proud is everyone's dream, either do i. Beside that i also really want to visit Korea and USA, meet the idols (SHINee, David Archuleta, Lee HyunWoo) and of course, who doesn't like to fly around the countries? Well, it might just hanging in my head as a dream now but i try to believe that sooner or later it'll all come true because life is a miracle and you don't know what you'll gonna get! What about your dreams? :)

Grow Up More

"I'm eighteen", I'm officially going to say this starts from tomorrow. A year passed by really fast, and i still half believed that i'm already 18. Grown up means i have to be maturer and think about my future in a realistic way.

Being 18, i have more wishes and hopes. I only wish that at least one of them would come true, i know to reach it needs hard work, but yeah.. I hope i can. Since i'm no longer 17, i'll write down 17 things i've been trough in this 17 years old:

1. I got a blackberry, which used to be my top priority things to buy.
2. I walk from Galaxy Mall to my home since i have no telephone credit and have no money.
3. I got my first ever singing trophy.
4. Hospitalized because of scarlet fever.
5. Falling in love with SHINee.
6. Feel more confident.
7. Cooked 3 desserts which succeed.
8. Got a little puppy.
9. Wearing braces.
10. Joining DBL again after struggling for a year.
11. Letting my chance to meet David Archuleta went away.
12. Ate duck for the very first time in my life.
13. Singing solo in front of  many peoples.
14. Keep my relationship well.
15. I'm still alive.
16. Create 8 tumblr accounts to win a prize.
17. Control my emotion lil' better.

I also want to say happy birthday to Ce Elaine (21), Hilda (17), Cynthia (17), and Tiffany (18). I wish you all the best and be better each year :D

David Archuleta Mormon Mission Project

Hi ArchAngels and Archies all over the world. As we know, David will take a break for his singing career for the next 2 years. I’m planning to do a big project for him, but of course i can’t do this by myself. I need your help to make this possible.

It’s quite simple:

1. Comment this post saying that you want to join.
2. Send me your letter for David about how did you become an ArchAngels or Archies and show your support for David’s Mormon Mission. The support could be a quote, sayings, poems, lyrics, and feel free for it! Don’t forget that it has to be narrative.
3. Attach your photos with David. It could be your photo with himself or with his posters, albums, shirts, or everything as long as it is David Archuleta’s.
4. Send your story to my email : artsypo@gmail.com and don’t forget to include your full name, age, city, and country. Ex: Pauline Elizabeth, 18, Surabaya, Indonesia.

The target is to reach about 100 letters. So, i’ll update how many letters are already accepted. Feel free to ask me in the comment box. For your participation i really thank you all and hope this project would be success. THANKS! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID ARCHULETA!

Happy birthday my forever idol David James Archuleta. Time goes by really fast! Seems like it just yesterday when you were joining idol and you were still 17 years old. Now you're 21 years old. Man! I hope all the very best for you. Everything! I am really glad to have you as my idol!

By the way, i didn't prepare something really special for your birthday. I usually joining David Archuleta Indonesia birthday project for you since 2 years ago, but this year i am late to upload my video, so i made it on my own. I have you watch this video someday, even maybe the time is not right anymore. But genuinely, i hope you could watch this someday. I really hope so. So, just check this out! :D

Eventhough there's a lot of Barriers, i hope You Can still Notice Me..

Before i catch that Falling Stars, i would always Wait..

- David Archuleta's Song compilation by Pauline Elizabeth

New Blog Surface and December.

Ho Ho Ho. The best thing is yet to come! It's December! The final month of the year, the beginning to start whole new journey next year. The excitement is just getting more amazing by the Christmas at the end of the month. Who doesn't love Christmas? I love it and i'm pretty sure you do too.

Celebrating this month, i decided to create new blog surface by changing the header. As you can see, it's all about Christmas. I don't know why but i'm so thrilled to celebrate this year's Christmas. I expected something surprising and really joyful. I wish that Santa would bring me the best unexpected gift i could ever imagine. *amen*

Omona. I want it so bad :( 

Many things would happen. I heard that David Archie going to release another Christmas album and it's gonna be really awesome! Beside that , SHINee, they would release their Maypole Sweater Winter Collection 2011 which i crave for on December 4. Also, the book "The Son of The Sun" would be released on December 8. I really want it bad, but some Shawols said that it is already out of stock since the pre-order session gaining a huge wave of orders. I was like, waiting for miracles to happen. December is also month of celebration. Exams are over, holidays, and the idols birthday. Yes, Onew, MinHo and David Archuleta are turning (in sequence) 22, 20, and 21 this year. Woohoo! Wish 'em have a blast!

Like a lot of people do, i have my own wishlist as well. I wish December could be the best-closing-month of the year. Umm. Since the exam aren't over yet, i wish that i didn't get any remidial test. I also wish *gosh, i repeat it once again* Santa-would-bring-me-the-best-unexpected-gift-i-could-ever-imagine. I wish i still can get that Maypole sweater even the pre-order session already closed yesterday, i would struggle for that! And last, i wish i could fill my holiday with something fun and useful. So please December! Be Nice! Because next year would be tough.

Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

I used to believe that you are exist when i was just a little girl. Since now i've grown up and nearly 18 i know that you are just a "Christmas Icon" with your raindeer and your gifts. When i was a kid, every 24th of December at night i pray to God, hoping that i would got some nice present like Barbies and Dolls. One day at my age of 9, i got a gift under my Christmas tree at home. It says that it is from you, but soon i realize that it was my Mom's handwriting. Since that time, I know that the Santa is my Mom.

Santa, this year i already 17. Somehow, i still want to believe that you are exist. That sometimes when i wake up at night on December 25 i found a big present next to my pillow. The best gift that i could ever imagine, that i could ever have. I just don't know how to make it happen or make it POSSIBLY happen. Dreaming that someday it'll be true just like a fairytale yet sometimes i try to convince myself that it is POSSIBLE. God knows what i want and i believe that you are just like a picture of Him. You bring joy to everyone's life.

So Santa, i know this is weird, how i post this in my blog and even hoping that you would read this. LOL. But i believe in every single possibilities. You know what i want. All those stuffs, and dreams. If fairytale might happen, then i wish once upon a time starts from now..

See you on Christmas!

Pauline :)

MIMPI

Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with #Mark 10:27

Mimpi. Dimulai dari kata itu aku jadi pingin nulis lagi. Akhirnya berhasil juga kembali ke sini sesudah tidur panjang dan pencarian topik menarik tapi tak kunjung kutemukan. Mimpi memang ngasih inspirasi, tapi juga nyeret-nyeret perasaan saya jadi galau begini. *muter lagu-lagu SHINee terus nangis. hiks hiks #alay*

Yah okelah, mana ada di dunia ini orang yang nggak pernah punya mimpi, harapan, cita-cita? Nggak mungkin ada! Sekalipun orang yang udah bosen idup juga tetep nggak mungkin. Masalahnya apa mimpi itu salah?

Mungkin iya, tapi tidak.

Akhir-akhir ini emang gara-gara memikirkan masalah perkuliahan yang bikin hidup kelas 12 ini makin pusing dan runyam, aku jadi banyak menghayal, mimpi. Mungkin emang pikiranku mulai "diajak" lebih terbuka buat mikir, mau jadi apa aku nanti? gimana cari tambahan biaya buat ngeringanin beban ortu *secara guweh udah merasa cukup umur untuk bisa bantu-bantu*? apa harapan-harapanku bisa tercapai? apa AKU BISA BIKIN ORANG TUAKU BAHAGIA dengan pilihanku? atau aku mungkin salah pilih?

Dream is beautiful and easy to see yet so hard to reach. #Me.

Aku punya banyak mimpi! Aku pingin bisa nabung banyak, yang untuk sekarang emang sulit bisa terealisasikan karena entah mengapa selalu ada pengeluaran meskipun sudah HAMPIR setiap hari saya berhemat. Sebisa mungkin nggak jajan di sekolah, biarpun tiap hari dikasih Mama uang jajan. 

Aku pingin bisa keliling dunia! Aku pingin bisa ketemu Archie dan SHINee, yang aku bilang ke semua orang, kalo aku nggak bakal mau mati dulu sebelum ketemu mereka. Hahaha.

Aku pingin bisa sukses dan bisa bantu orang tua! Anak baek mana hayo yang nggak pingin kayak gini juga? Ingin ini ingin itu banyak sekali♫ #nyanyithemesongdoraemon. Hahaha.

Tapi pada intinya dari semua mimpi-mimpi itu, aku terlalu gampang putus asa buat mewujudkan semuanya. Mungkin aku punya ide, tapi aku nggak tau cara mewujudkannya. Aku lebih sering ngeratap daripada usaha, nggak tau gimana caranya buat bangkit, nggak tau harus mulai dari mana. Kadang, aku cuma bisa nangis *yang menurut semua orang-orang wasting time, tapi always make me feel better* mengasihani diri saya sendiri. Menyedihkan bukan? Ya, menyedihkan! Nggak jarang aku mikir, kenapa kok kayak gini? kenapa aku nggak bisa? kenapa aku beda?

Meski gitu, masih ada secuil keyakinan sih di dalem diriku. Aku yakin kalo semua mimpi itu bisa terwujud. Akhir-akhir ini juga saya mulai menambah semangat dan motivasi saya dari baca-baca cerita-cerita inspiratif. Beberapa bilang kalo hidup kita ini semua juga berasal dari mimpi, jadi aku masih ada sedikit keyakinan kalo semua ini bisa jadi kenyataan. Aku juga pernah ngalami beberapa kali, kalo boleh jujur. Hmm.. itu kayak Tuhan bener-bener jawab permohonan kamu, tanpa sadar bahwa kamu sudah melakukan usaha terbaik dan Tuhan ngeliat itu semua. Yah.. sampai detik jari-jari saya nyentuh keyboard ini saya masih meyakinkan diri kalo emang semua mimpi itu MUNGKIN. That's why aku ngutip quote inspiratif *Ehm. Jadi alim* dari injil Markus diatas.

Yah posting ini sekedar sharing aja sih, when i write everything feels better. Feel free to leave comment atau sekedar support apalah. Saya merasa masih butuh banyak keyakinan lebih buat bisa lebih optimis *sigh*

Terimakasih yang sudah baca. Kisah galau lain saya sepertinya akan berlanjut di post berikutnya. Haha :D

Pauline♥

'End' of the journey (?)

Yak yak yak, saya pending dulu kisah menyedihkan saya tentang kang David yang seharusnya saya tulis beberapa hari lalu, yang terbengkalai gara-gara kesibukan saya di DBL *belagak artis*. Hahaha.

* * *

The competition hasn't finished yet, tapi untuk Clique, mungkin taon ini belum punya kami. Jujur, kalo boleh bilang, big 5 sama sekali bukan sesuatu yang bisa dibanggakan *well, manusia nggak pernah puas!* meskipun mestinya itu adalah suatu hal yang sangat patut dibanggakan, soalnya jadi 5 besar dari ratusan sekolah itu SANGAT NGGAK GAMPANG.

Kecewa? Oh ya pasti! Tapi bukan kecewa karena nggak lolos ke best 3. Okelah, sedikit. Tapi lebih-lebih gara-gara ngerasa menghancurkan mimpi banyak orang. Terlalu banyak yang terlibat dan ekspektasi udah bener-bener tinggi. Terutama dengan si abang, yang paling banyak *dan terlalu banyak* berkorban. Devastated. Bener-bener kacau waktu kemaren nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain waktu semua down. Yeah, i'm down too. Bener-bener minta maaf , Chem buat semuanya. Maybe sorry is never enough :(

Anyway, nahan emosi dan ngempet sesuatu itu terbukti sangat tidak baik bagi pikiran, jiwa dan raga. Sewaktu tengah pertandingan final cowok kemaren, dan tau kami gak lolos, saya berusaha sabar sementara yang lain mulai nangis. Entah kenapa rasanya terlalu berat buat nangis sementara kemenangan tim cowok udah di depan mata. Yang disesali, saya ngerasa bikin banyak orang kecewa. Waktu perform big 5 kemarin, kain box saya gak kebuka dengan sempurna dan kain selendang saya juga lepas-lepas, that makes me even worse. Selain itu juga malu! 2500 orang lebih menyaksikan itu dan gagal gitu aja. What a shame. Ini taon pertama dan terakhir ikut DBL dan saya bahkan nggak bisa bikin itu jadi momen yang berharga. Saya relain konser David Archuleta yang saya tunggu 3 taon dan udah di depan mata demi ini dan dapet banyak harapan besar dari temen-temen, itu yang semakin bikin sakit hati. Apalagi mengingat, well.. omongan-omongan kurang enak dari beberapa sekolah lain ditambah si Mama *oh my God* yang kurang mengerti betapa berharganya ini *meski akhirnya ngerti juga* dan bilang saya kayak anak kecil. Okeh, aku tau maksudnya baik, tapi please Mom kemaren maleeeeeem aja biarin aku nangis sepuasnya. Hidup memang berat saudara! akhirnya air mata nggak tertahan juga.

Hasilnya, pagi ini saya bangun dengan wajah super suram. Mata bengkak dan pusing setengah mati. Bangun siang sekali dan nggak nafsu makan. Terharu baca timeline-timeline di twitter tentang support dari semua temen-temen dan alumni. Thank you everybody, saya gak akan pernah nyesel sekolah di Sinlui dan kenal kalian semua.

At least, dibalik tiap kesedihan pasti ada kemenangan. 

CONGRATULATION FOR BOYS BASKETBALL TEAM! 

YOU'RE THE CHAMPION! 

Masih ada tanggal 23, you better show your best! Semangat, Mario, Lauren, Ricky, Chandra, Patrick, Juan, Bayu, Gio, Stanley, Vialy, Adit, James! Kalian pasti bisa! dan tentunya buat OSIS dan tutor yang sudah mati-matian mengelola 2500++ supporter dan yeah, we deserve that BEST SUPPORTER AWARD! Proud of you all! Gara-gara kalian semua juga hari ini Romo Alex berbaik hati meliburkan kita *yeahyeahyeah! \m/* Ramaikan lagi DBL arena sabtu besok :*

Clique, saya cintah kalian semua cemans-cemans. Cemungudh! Trio macan (elma,okta,nanda) taon depan harus lebih semangat lagi. Bakal rindu es tebu, papa americano, dunia lain, masterchef margorejo, gak gak kuat, Yovan the gorilla dan upil magnet!! *ngelap ingus kayak Lingke* masih ada hari Sabtu! mari gila-gilaan!!! Dan untuk si abang :

Taken this morning. CEMUNGUDH BANG BOLAY! :p

Sorry for not making it trough, for making you down and disappointed and not cheering you up. Sorry.

*Sudah ya sedih-sedihnya. Masih ada hari esok yang lebih baik*

The real winner doesn't have to win all the time. That's just a game plan.

-Elizabeth Paulina

satu post sebelum berangkat ke sekolah

Tau rasanya jatuh ke dalam jurang? Oke, mungkin agak alay. Tapi, meski nggak merasakan langsung gimana rasanya jatuh, kalo hati ini bisa digambarkan sakitnya, seperti itulah kurang lebih.

Kemaren dam air mata saya keburu bocor pas tau kalo ternyata David Archuleta saudara saudara!! DAVID ARCHULETA !!! telah tiba dengan selamat sehat sentosa di Bandar Undara Soekarno Hatta terminal 2D. Syukurlah dia baik-baik aja dan menikmati perjalanan di Indonesia.

Tapi? Apakah saya senang? iya! David tinggal beberapa km saja dari Surabaya *apalagi ada Papa Jeff dan kru-kru David lainnya juga*, time signalnya juga sama dan bagusnya lagi dia akhirnya ke Indonesia. Yeah, finally! Jauh di belakang itu, saya masih menyimpan rasa sedih tak berkesudahan dimana saya tak bisa menontonnya, melihatnya langsung, menjemputnya di bandara. Mimpi selama 3 tahunpun sirna :'( Yeah, i thought 2011 would be a nice year to meet David. But guess what? not this time, not mine.

Hancur sekali loh rasanya! Andai bisa digambar, mungkin cuma benang kusut hasilnya. Terlalu campur aduk. Tapi bagaimanapun juga, saya tetap selalu mendukung si kakang bagaimanapun juga, harus yakin juga kalo ini BUKAN pertama dan terakhir kalinya David ke Indonesia. PASTI! PASTI ada lain waktu. Saya selalu bilang gitu sama diri saya. Meskipun rasanya sekarang memang sungguh tertohok-tohok *uhuek* :/

(Bersambung nanti sore..)

another archuleta news + masterchef australia 2 [review]

I saw David Archuleta at Masterchef Australia season 2! Was he came as a guest judge? Nope. So,this day offs makes me totally bored. Everyday, i probably just sleeping, snacking and watching some series on YouTube. Masterchef Australia is one of 'em. I really enjoyed it since i was a big fan of culinary things *P.S : being a fan doesn't mean i can cook well* and what makes me more interested watching this show is that, i felt like i saw another David there. Don't you think that Callum Hann, The runner up *HEY! He also became the runner up! same as David!* of the show looks like David?

Meet Chef Callum Hann! :)

And you know him, David Archuleta :)

That's quite funny because.. yeah, seems like i saw another David who can actually cook, not singing. LOL. What i really love about Callum is that he is a great cook and he looks calm and humble just like David. 

And oh, anyway! another review for Masterchef Australia season 2, you should watch it! This was a really great show and i think it inspires me a lot. The contestant are so awesome and all the dish they've made mostly, makes me so mouthwatering. Another reason why i love this show rather than another Masterchef shows is the judges, Gary, Matt and George. Well, as a judges they were really nice without shouting some inappropriate words and shows tons of respect to the contestant, i mean like they know how to give criticism without hurting anybody's feeling and that's just right! They are really nice judges!

The masterclass is also helps you a lot, it gave you a lot of knowledge and watching them cooking something very easily, it's a huge pleasure!

* * *

Back to David,
Have you watch this video?

That's Elaine from HeavyBuckStylez! Yay! Honestly, i'm really excited knowing that she made a choreography of David Archuleta's song and chosen as HeavyBuckStylez's best choreography of the month (BCOTM). Guess what? an Arch Angel named Pastel from FOD posted this video to the site and even posted it to Nigel Lythgoe from So You Think You Can Dance. That was a huge bomb! Woohoo! Even i'm not taking any part of that, i feel so happy for her and grateful that many people appreciate it and all the Arch Angels for being really supportive. I also happy because it also helps HeavyBuckStylez to grow more and more! I wish that she'll got the best luck since many people love this! This choreography also appeared as contemporary dance material on HeavyBuckStylez 4th Workshop which held last 8-12 June 2011. This is the sneak preview:

You can also see Mr. Patrianata there *the green shirt one* Hihihihihihi ;;)

For more video and choreography, just VISIT the channel and click the subscribe button!

Lastly, it still heart breaking everytime i watch PTC's commercial with David on it *Cry out loud* :'(

Obsession just driving you crazy!

I'm goin' INSANE ! :'(

I think about this the whole day. Tomorrow is Pond's Teen Concerts ticket redemption day and i still can't believe i missed the chance i've been waiting for 3 years.

Let it go? I've tried yet it is too hard to resist. I hate the fact that i'm way to obsessed which make this waaaay more painful.

The answer is clear. Impossible to attend, watch and meet David. How hard should i try to let it just.. 

go?