Stadium akhir.

Maaf sekali lagi harus curhat karena aku ngerasa penyakit Kpopku sudah nggak bisa tertolong lagi.

Nggak tau apa yang ada di otakku, tapi *sigh* tolong saya atas obsesi ini!!

Saya takut jatuh, saya takut nggak bisa lagi melihat realitas..

I have faith but i don't think that it works.

Well, aku selalu berpikir suatu saat nanti pasti aku bisa pelan-pelan mewujudkan mimpiku. Banyak orang bilang mustahil, tapi kita semua nggak pernah tau kapan keajaiban terjadi, kapan Tuhan akhirnya bilang "Waktunya sudah tepat untukmu", kapan akhirnnya kita bukan nangis karena sedih mimpi kita terdengar menyedihkan tapi nangis karena bahagia, kapan akhirnya apel bisa tumbuh di pohon pisang. 

Some says purple, Some says violet.

Whatever people, whatever it is i'll get.

Tapi untuk sekarang semua terlalu menjemukan dan aku mulai merasa kalo aku sendiri membuat hidupku begitu menyedihkan. Menyedihkan?

Ya.

Dear Lord, what should i do?

cr: http://cathysquarepants.deviantart.com

Congratulation, Jes!

So, i've been watching Asia's Next Top Model lately. Today is the last episode of this season and we got our first ever winner,  Jessica Amornkuldilok CONGRATULATION!!
After the last episode aired, we have a live chat with the winner on ustream. Guess what happen on 01:57.. SKIP SKIP SKIP

Video streaming by Ustream

Oh la la la~ She called my name :')

You know, I always get over excited when a celebrity notice me.

Am i being too cheesy?

Ah~ let's see if one day i could make everything seems closer to what i've been dreaming lately..

If you love it, You can do it ♥ 

- Jessica Amornkuldilok

I Do Love A Man.

Ever since last week, i feel like want to post this but i just don't know how to say. First of all, let me explain that this post has nothing to do with disfiguring dignity or any of the parties. Let's think that this is just my thought..

I had a shock in a sudden when exactly last week someone asked me this question : "Are you a butchy?". Okay, honestly i never knew any kind of stuff like that and that gay suddenly explain himself for me, i guess he just look me in the eyes and he knows that i really didn't understand what he said. Here's the exact conversation with ummmm... let's just call him Mr. A (Because i don't know his real name either)

Mr. A: Green ; Me: Blue and lets skip to the main part.

"Excuse me but can i ask you something?"

"Yes, sure.. what is it?"

"Are you a butchy?"

*Silent* "Butchy? What is that?"

"You don't know what is it?"

*Shaking my heads*

*Sigh* "Ooh.. i thought you were a butchy, um.. a lesbian. Because you look so tomboy.. Umm, sorry but i didn't mean anything. I just want to know, because i'm a gay and i didn't attracted to girls. This is me, i always talk frankly. Sorry"

*Shock and fake a smile* "Oh.. ahahaha, that's okay no problem."

Later on i found out that butchy is another name for a manly girl or i assumed that in lesbian, butchy played the guy part. I was in big shock until this time.

To be honest, i never had a problem interacting with various kind of people like Lady Gaga said;

No matter gay, straight, or bi, Lesbian, transgendered life,

No matter black, white or beige, Chola or orient made,

I never had a problem with them and for me they are all fine. But it kinda give me a lesson that i should look more girly. Yeah, kinda hard to say the word "Girly" because i never really try to look girly or being so girly because i love who i am now, i love what i look.

Well, but i promise to myself that next year i'll be even more pretty, so no one would never ever called me butchy or lesbian again, Oo yeah! I am as straight as ruler and i am interested with Man who could make me laugh in my hardest time, who knows how to act as a man, and work hard for their goals.. Ohohohohoho :'( 

Back to blogging.

It's been a while. This past few months went really hectic with examination and stuffs. In just a few days the national education department going to announce our national exam's result. It's really frightening to be honest. Since i realize i didn't do really well last month. The fear of "Failure" is haunting. But i'm gonna shout " I AM PASSED", right? :D

There's a lot of stuffs i want to talk about. Hah, last time i said i want to change my blog look but seems like i don't have enough time to do it. It's been a month since My Mom is working on her new store in Pasar Atom, and you know.. Pasar Atom is a heaven for shoppers. Sometimes she just can't handle the crowd so she asked me to help her there. Now i'm getting used to it and i started to love it, rather than have to stay at home and doing nothing, spend my money unwisely. I love the job.

I still can't get over of being an obsessive daydreamer..

Instead of waiting, why don't you make efforts into it?

I always think that i need someone and somewhere to spill out my feelings. ALL OF THIS. Wise people said that "It's better if you have a dream than have no dream and nothing to do for life", i guess they have to change it a little bit to "It's better if you have a REALISTIC dream than have no dream and nothing to do for life". It kills you slowly but sure. I believe in miracle, turning point and possibilities, but i'm just an ordinary human, i'm tired of waiting.

You see my last post? About that video? I staked my embarrassment just to win the contest. FYI, i'm not that type of person who comfortable to act in front of the camera. But i did! Just because i want to visit Korea so bad (Anyway, i really need your help to increase the view numbers and like. Just click here!). I keep doing silly things to reach my dreams.

A friend said to me, "Your dream would all come true when An apple finally grow on Banana tree on February 30th". When he said that, it's like a big axe stabbed my heart. It does hurt yet challenging, somehow motivating. "If you put your dream too high, it'll be hurt when you fall" he added. I know the risk. Who said i'm not afraid to fall? I do want to prove that i'm not just a "daydreamer next door."

What a complicated feelings.

It's already 11:49 PM now and another day is waiting. I hope this short-thought-sharing could relieve my feelings a little bit. And, good luck for all the daydreamers in the world. Slowly take a baby steps to leap over your destiny.

Song of the day : Adele - Daydreamer  *Totally resembles this feeling*

Pauline.

MIMPI

Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with #Mark 10:27

Mimpi. Dimulai dari kata itu aku jadi pingin nulis lagi. Akhirnya berhasil juga kembali ke sini sesudah tidur panjang dan pencarian topik menarik tapi tak kunjung kutemukan. Mimpi memang ngasih inspirasi, tapi juga nyeret-nyeret perasaan saya jadi galau begini. *muter lagu-lagu SHINee terus nangis. hiks hiks #alay*

Yah okelah, mana ada di dunia ini orang yang nggak pernah punya mimpi, harapan, cita-cita? Nggak mungkin ada! Sekalipun orang yang udah bosen idup juga tetep nggak mungkin. Masalahnya apa mimpi itu salah?

Mungkin iya, tapi tidak.

Akhir-akhir ini emang gara-gara memikirkan masalah perkuliahan yang bikin hidup kelas 12 ini makin pusing dan runyam, aku jadi banyak menghayal, mimpi. Mungkin emang pikiranku mulai "diajak" lebih terbuka buat mikir, mau jadi apa aku nanti? gimana cari tambahan biaya buat ngeringanin beban ortu *secara guweh udah merasa cukup umur untuk bisa bantu-bantu*? apa harapan-harapanku bisa tercapai? apa AKU BISA BIKIN ORANG TUAKU BAHAGIA dengan pilihanku? atau aku mungkin salah pilih?

Dream is beautiful and easy to see yet so hard to reach. #Me.

Aku punya banyak mimpi! Aku pingin bisa nabung banyak, yang untuk sekarang emang sulit bisa terealisasikan karena entah mengapa selalu ada pengeluaran meskipun sudah HAMPIR setiap hari saya berhemat. Sebisa mungkin nggak jajan di sekolah, biarpun tiap hari dikasih Mama uang jajan. 

Aku pingin bisa keliling dunia! Aku pingin bisa ketemu Archie dan SHINee, yang aku bilang ke semua orang, kalo aku nggak bakal mau mati dulu sebelum ketemu mereka. Hahaha.

Aku pingin bisa sukses dan bisa bantu orang tua! Anak baek mana hayo yang nggak pingin kayak gini juga? Ingin ini ingin itu banyak sekali♫ #nyanyithemesongdoraemon. Hahaha.

Tapi pada intinya dari semua mimpi-mimpi itu, aku terlalu gampang putus asa buat mewujudkan semuanya. Mungkin aku punya ide, tapi aku nggak tau cara mewujudkannya. Aku lebih sering ngeratap daripada usaha, nggak tau gimana caranya buat bangkit, nggak tau harus mulai dari mana. Kadang, aku cuma bisa nangis *yang menurut semua orang-orang wasting time, tapi always make me feel better* mengasihani diri saya sendiri. Menyedihkan bukan? Ya, menyedihkan! Nggak jarang aku mikir, kenapa kok kayak gini? kenapa aku nggak bisa? kenapa aku beda?

Meski gitu, masih ada secuil keyakinan sih di dalem diriku. Aku yakin kalo semua mimpi itu bisa terwujud. Akhir-akhir ini juga saya mulai menambah semangat dan motivasi saya dari baca-baca cerita-cerita inspiratif. Beberapa bilang kalo hidup kita ini semua juga berasal dari mimpi, jadi aku masih ada sedikit keyakinan kalo semua ini bisa jadi kenyataan. Aku juga pernah ngalami beberapa kali, kalo boleh jujur. Hmm.. itu kayak Tuhan bener-bener jawab permohonan kamu, tanpa sadar bahwa kamu sudah melakukan usaha terbaik dan Tuhan ngeliat itu semua. Yah.. sampai detik jari-jari saya nyentuh keyboard ini saya masih meyakinkan diri kalo emang semua mimpi itu MUNGKIN. That's why aku ngutip quote inspiratif *Ehm. Jadi alim* dari injil Markus diatas.

Yah posting ini sekedar sharing aja sih, when i write everything feels better. Feel free to leave comment atau sekedar support apalah. Saya merasa masih butuh banyak keyakinan lebih buat bisa lebih optimis *sigh*

Terimakasih yang sudah baca. Kisah galau lain saya sepertinya akan berlanjut di post berikutnya. Haha :D

Pauline♥

'End' of the journey (?)

Yak yak yak, saya pending dulu kisah menyedihkan saya tentang kang David yang seharusnya saya tulis beberapa hari lalu, yang terbengkalai gara-gara kesibukan saya di DBL *belagak artis*. Hahaha.

* * *

The competition hasn't finished yet, tapi untuk Clique, mungkin taon ini belum punya kami. Jujur, kalo boleh bilang, big 5 sama sekali bukan sesuatu yang bisa dibanggakan *well, manusia nggak pernah puas!* meskipun mestinya itu adalah suatu hal yang sangat patut dibanggakan, soalnya jadi 5 besar dari ratusan sekolah itu SANGAT NGGAK GAMPANG.

Kecewa? Oh ya pasti! Tapi bukan kecewa karena nggak lolos ke best 3. Okelah, sedikit. Tapi lebih-lebih gara-gara ngerasa menghancurkan mimpi banyak orang. Terlalu banyak yang terlibat dan ekspektasi udah bener-bener tinggi. Terutama dengan si abang, yang paling banyak *dan terlalu banyak* berkorban. Devastated. Bener-bener kacau waktu kemaren nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain waktu semua down. Yeah, i'm down too. Bener-bener minta maaf , Chem buat semuanya. Maybe sorry is never enough :(

Anyway, nahan emosi dan ngempet sesuatu itu terbukti sangat tidak baik bagi pikiran, jiwa dan raga. Sewaktu tengah pertandingan final cowok kemaren, dan tau kami gak lolos, saya berusaha sabar sementara yang lain mulai nangis. Entah kenapa rasanya terlalu berat buat nangis sementara kemenangan tim cowok udah di depan mata. Yang disesali, saya ngerasa bikin banyak orang kecewa. Waktu perform big 5 kemarin, kain box saya gak kebuka dengan sempurna dan kain selendang saya juga lepas-lepas, that makes me even worse. Selain itu juga malu! 2500 orang lebih menyaksikan itu dan gagal gitu aja. What a shame. Ini taon pertama dan terakhir ikut DBL dan saya bahkan nggak bisa bikin itu jadi momen yang berharga. Saya relain konser David Archuleta yang saya tunggu 3 taon dan udah di depan mata demi ini dan dapet banyak harapan besar dari temen-temen, itu yang semakin bikin sakit hati. Apalagi mengingat, well.. omongan-omongan kurang enak dari beberapa sekolah lain ditambah si Mama *oh my God* yang kurang mengerti betapa berharganya ini *meski akhirnya ngerti juga* dan bilang saya kayak anak kecil. Okeh, aku tau maksudnya baik, tapi please Mom kemaren maleeeeeem aja biarin aku nangis sepuasnya. Hidup memang berat saudara! akhirnya air mata nggak tertahan juga.

Hasilnya, pagi ini saya bangun dengan wajah super suram. Mata bengkak dan pusing setengah mati. Bangun siang sekali dan nggak nafsu makan. Terharu baca timeline-timeline di twitter tentang support dari semua temen-temen dan alumni. Thank you everybody, saya gak akan pernah nyesel sekolah di Sinlui dan kenal kalian semua.

At least, dibalik tiap kesedihan pasti ada kemenangan. 

CONGRATULATION FOR BOYS BASKETBALL TEAM! 

YOU'RE THE CHAMPION! 

Masih ada tanggal 23, you better show your best! Semangat, Mario, Lauren, Ricky, Chandra, Patrick, Juan, Bayu, Gio, Stanley, Vialy, Adit, James! Kalian pasti bisa! dan tentunya buat OSIS dan tutor yang sudah mati-matian mengelola 2500++ supporter dan yeah, we deserve that BEST SUPPORTER AWARD! Proud of you all! Gara-gara kalian semua juga hari ini Romo Alex berbaik hati meliburkan kita *yeahyeahyeah! \m/* Ramaikan lagi DBL arena sabtu besok :*

Clique, saya cintah kalian semua cemans-cemans. Cemungudh! Trio macan (elma,okta,nanda) taon depan harus lebih semangat lagi. Bakal rindu es tebu, papa americano, dunia lain, masterchef margorejo, gak gak kuat, Yovan the gorilla dan upil magnet!! *ngelap ingus kayak Lingke* masih ada hari Sabtu! mari gila-gilaan!!! Dan untuk si abang :

Taken this morning. CEMUNGUDH BANG BOLAY! :p

Sorry for not making it trough, for making you down and disappointed and not cheering you up. Sorry.

*Sudah ya sedih-sedihnya. Masih ada hari esok yang lebih baik*

The real winner doesn't have to win all the time. That's just a game plan.

-Elizabeth Paulina

Who says?

I wouldn't want to be anybody else

( Hey! ) 

You made me insecure

Told me I wasn't good enough

But who are you to judge

When you're a diamond in the rough

I'm sure you got some things

You'd like to change about yourself

But when it comes to me

I wouldn't want to be anybody else

Na na na na na

Na na na na na na 

I'm no beauty queen

I'm just beautiful me

La na na na na na na na na!

La na na na na na na na na!

You've got every right

To a beautiful life

( C'mon! )

Who says

Who says you're not perfect

Who says you're not worth it

Who says you're the only one that's hurting

Trust me

That's the price of beauty

Who says you're not pretty

Who says you're not beautiful

Who says

It's such a funny thing

How nothing's funny when it's you

You tell 'em what you mean

But they keep whiting out the truth

It's like a work of art

That never gets to see the light

Keep you beneath the stars

Won't let you touch the sky

La na na na na na na na na!

La na na na na na na na na!

I'm no beauty queen

I'm just beautiful me

La na na na na na na na na!

La na na na na na na na na!

* * *

Yeah, yeah Selena ! I like this song pretty much. You know, sometimes i also feel insecure too much and not confident with myself. But what this song said was right. It is good to be ourselves. Why do we always want to be someone else without realizing how much good and special we are? We are all beautiful in our own ways and i believe that.

Umm, kinda reminds me of something which happened to me just few days ago. Something harassed my mind. I was thinking why i'm so different with the other girls. When they already wear make ups, heels, dresses made me feel weird about them. For me they were experiencing early maturation. In fact, i might be wrong. It could be me, the one who didn't really ready to grow up and stuck in my age and see them in different ways. I said to myself that "You are not beautiful". But you know? I think i was wrong. Each people have their own way to look pretty. I'm not as pretty as any other girls but i believe i have my own beauty and so are you, uniqueness. What's the point of being pretty if you don't have something to be proud of?

So, beauty doesn't last forever, when you're getting older you see that grannies look the same. But kind and sincere heart would never change. Your physical looks doesn't always show that you're pretty inside but believe it or not, inner beauty will ;)

Who says you're not perfect?

#trappedinsadness

"I didn't meant to run away, 

and you didn't try to chase me.

So, we're getting farther now.

It's that simple to make my eyes watery and then finally cry."

Reflection of mine

Since i really want to start to change to be a better person, i made a list about my habits which i should realize to turn it from bad things into good things. Let's say that i am..

1. Have no confidence. Yeah.. i guess i'm too shy to show peoples everything that i actually able to do.
2. Not really dare to get out of my comfort zone. I do love experience but that's it! I always do what i can do but never try to trying new things and enjoy it.
3. Too quiet with uncomfortable situation. Sometimes, maybe people might see me as a happy and funny person but they maybe also see me really quiet and shy one. That's because i'm not comfortable with some kinda situation whether that is about the people surround me or the situation getting wrong. I could be so loud with my friends that i think i could get crazy with, but i just keep quiet with some people that i think didn't really knew me and i'm really introvert about that.
4. Way too sensitive! Yes, there's nothing i should hide about my sensitivity, many friends also admit it. I don't know why, but i often think about something *that i shouldn't care* too much and i always feel like i have a tons of mistakes that could make people hate me. I'm afraid that people would talk behind my back, i'm afraid that i'm falling in a really bad relation with people i do really love.
5. Always afraid that people would hate me. I hate to be alone and have nobody to lean on. I never want to try to seek for enemies, but i always felt like there's always someone who hates me.
6. Only do things when i want to. This is happened especially in my home. My Mom like always ask me to do this thing that thing and i always said "wait" before i did it, i mean like i never do it immediately. When i'm in my good mood, i wanted to help her to do this and that, but since lots of my time are not really happy, i always kinda lazy to do everything immediately.

So, that is several worst thing about me. I wish i could change it, maybe little by little but one good thing about me "I always did something that i'm passionate with seriously". I hope i could do it well. This and next month program =  trying to boost my confidence!

Happy Mumsy's Day♥

Tomorrow is a mother's day. I want to post this for tomorrow, but i think i'm better post it now, because tomorrow i'm going to post about my reports card result. So freaky. 

Anyway, 

"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE HAPPIEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD." 

Especially, my Mumsy who already gave birth to me and raised me until this second. I love you so much! You've been such an inspiration for me, especially about your strength. Thanks for being a great friend for me, i always love the way you tease me and do you know? One of the happiest thing in my life is to see you smile. I know you've trough such a hard life and you got a lot of problems, but thing that make me proud is that you keepin' strong and always optimistic. 

Thanks Mom for all the sincere love you gave to me. I will always love you every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year and everytime whether i'm still breathing or not. *Big Hug and Kisses*

And also, happy mother's day to all of your Mumsy who read this blog. I wish they have a great day and be better and better Mumsy for you and your family. 

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.  

~Chinese Proverb

Lost Loner.

Woohoo! Exams are over. I could feel the smell of holiday and warmth of Christmas already. Bye schools! See you next January on the 2nd Semester. Rest of this day are free, because so far, i didn't get any remidial test. Thank God. So, i'm planning to spend more time at home.

* * *

Anyway, that's not what i really want to talk about. I don't know, but i feel neglected lately. By every people, for real! Seems like there's no one want to talk to me and i become so boring. You know, like you are invisible. Like no one can see you so they can't interact with you. Well, i don't know, i guess they have change. I felt like a loner and that keeps ruining my mind. I want to scream like "Hello?! I'm alive here! Where are you everybody??" Especially my friends, i don't know whether i'm too sensitive and awkward or maybe i did something annoying for them and make them mad, but yeah.. i guess we don't have a pretty close friendship like we used to and that's really weird for me.. i feel different and alienated. Well, i don't know what happened, but i try to not to think about it too much and keep positive thinking. Yeah, people change and sometimes i am ain't ready for that. 

And by the way, Thanks for Triciany Dewi Sutanto for your time accompanying me after school, at least you make me feel that i'm not really alone. Hmm :)

Hey thanks for the quote :)

Problems on Mission

Okay, let's begin. I lied everytime people ask me "Are you okay?". Actually No, I am REALLY NOT OKAY. Is that clear? I have a lot of problems lately and i just can't face it. I can't hold it. It ruined my mind like everytime, but i wonder why all of this 'big hit' has to come in Exams period? I don't understand. It affects my mood and mind so badly, and now i'm so stressed, depressed, lonely and my life becoming a total mess.

I try to be positive and thinking about the goods behind it. It isn't as easy as i thought before. I need somebody to listen to me. I really need it :(

I can't stand if i always act like i'm a happy person, whereas deep inside i can't stop crying. Why me?

I felt like..

I also think that lately peoples seem to act weird. I don't really understand why, many peoples around me change a lot. Their personality, their habits even their thought. Seems like they live in their artificiality. It's like they force themselves to be someone else and they become like a stranger to me. Peoples are really hard to guess *sigh*.

Terms of the things i'm afraid of:

# Peoples talk rudely behind my back

# Nobody seems to care and understand about my situation now

# Peoples change

# I'm living in my fears and loneliness

* * *

Song of the moment : Things are gonna get better - David Archuleta

"Cause I, know, it’s hard to have the strength and,

Sometimes, all you feel is pain, but,

Things keep floating by on that river in the night"

2 days to go

If you want to be brave, does God gives you bravery?

No, He doesn't. He just give you a CHANCE to be brave!

- God from the film Evan Almighty (2007)

Audisi tinggal 2 hari lagi. Semakin dekat hari audisi, semakin aku nggak siap buat tampil. What the heck. Aku lemas tak berdaya! What should i do?

Waktu liburan ke Trawas kemarin, aku sempat tampil di depan anak-anak HBS. I realized i didn't show my best. Rasa malu-ku masih terlalu tinggi. Tapi setidaknya aku udah berusaha nunjukin, tapi apa yang terjadi? Waktu aku liat di rekaman aku so shock! That was terrible! Aku membayangkan diriku sendiri kalo jadi tim penilai Clique, mungkin aku gak bakal nerima diriku sendiri, meskipun tetep dapet beberapa komen positif dari Ko Reign, Ce Gebe dan abang Chemmy, tapi tetep aku shock. Bener-bener shock. Kalo aku maju kayak hari itu, aku pasti nggak mungkin keterima!

After performance itu, aku duduk di belakang villa dan si abang datang duduk di sebelah saya. Dia sudah memberi banyak masukan dan semangat, and i feel better, tapi masih ada beban di otakku. Aku gak tau, kadang aku nyesel memutuskan buat maju solo. Tapi banyak juga yang bilang keputusanku bener. Masih banyak yang harus aku perbaiki! Powerku gak ada, swaggerku nggak mantep, dan aku sering melakukan hal bodoh waktu nampil for example napuk jidat dan melet-melet. Kebiasaan yang super buruk dan nggak baik buat penampilanku!

Darn! I'm freakin' nervous!

Tapi aku tau, aku punya cukup semangat buat menampilkan yang terbaik dan aku bisa! Persiapanku sudah lebih dari cukup dibanding anak-anak lain yang aku tau, jadi aku nggak boleh malu-maluin, apalagi banyak yang dukung saya harus melakukan semua yang terbaik buat mereka! Thanks for all your support guys :*

Kemarin, i have a chit-chat with Mario, Kami bicara banyak hal. Yang jelas dari situ aku sadar dan mulai meyakinkan diri kalo aku harus bisa! I have to resist my shame and boost my confidence! Dia juga mengajari saya beberapa teknik-teknik yang benar, eventhough meskipun kadang di Clique, teknik itu nggak penting yang penting cuma power dan itu yang sedang saya pelajari! Tapi gak apa, belajar teknik toh juga nggak ada ruginya. Yang paling membuat saya terus berusaha di sini, Mario bilang "Secara gak langsung yo Pao, lek kamu keterima lo, kamu yo melok membanggakan HBS!" Roarrrrrrrrrr! *roaring* ELIZABETH PAULINA DWI PUTRI XI IS 4 / 27 23519 mantan XK / 08 dirimu PASTI BISA!

Dan hari ini, untuk ke 3 kalinya aku tampil di depan orang banyak (1st, Trawas, 2nd Kelas, 3rd HBS Class). Gak tau kenapa, aku merasa lebih siap hari ini. Dan komen-komen hari ini juga lebih welcome. Nhe-Nhe dan Hilda yang nonton waktu di Trawas dan hari ini, mereka bilang kalo aku jauh lebih baik hari ini daripada di Trawas. Si abang Chemmy juga bilang kalo saya sudah layak untuk tampil audisi lah, and it makes me much more vibrant! Kalo di Trawas aku tampil ala kadarnya, hari ini aku sudah ada kemajuan 75% dan dapet nilai 80, sedangkan Sabtu nanti, kalo bisa aku target minimal, seburuk-buruknya 90% dan dapet nilai 95. Saya yakin saya pasti dan harus bisa! Apalagi nanti hari Sabtu, kabarnya lumayan banyak yang nonton, intinya saya nggak boleh memalukan dan harus PEDE untuk 4 menit saja! Buang semua rasa malu! Saya harus bisa! BISA BISA BISA!

It's my last year to join DBL, saya harus melakukan yang terbaik. Aku nggak mau cuma berusaha buat audisi ini aja, syukur-syukur kalo keterima, aku pasti juga akan berusaha SEBAIK dan SEBISA mungkin to GIVE MY BEST SHOT for Sinlui! Yay! GOOD LUCK PAO! Bantu doa ya semuanya :)

#Septemberwish

We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.

-Tonny Robbins

It's September already! Setelah melalui Agustus yang panjang, sekarang kita semua memasuki bulan baru, September! Bulan baru berarti semangat baru dan tantangan baru. Bakal ada banyak hal yang dilewati bulan ini and i'm pretty excited for it! Especially di pertengahan bulan ada audisi Clique dan akhir bulan nanti bakal ada Sinlui HOT which mean banyak lomba-lomba di sekolah dan bakal banyak pelajaran kosong! YAY! Hahaha. Also ada pameran pendidikan, dimana harus mulai aku tanggapi serius dengan mulai nyari-nyari universitas, biar kelas 3 nanti tinggal fokus sama UNAS.

Make a wish...

Kalo ditanya apa harapan di bulan September ini, sebenernya buanyak, tapi daripada nggak kewujud, lebih baik nulis yang pasti-pasti saja ;)

1. Lolos audisi Clique. Amin Amin Halelluya Amin.

2. Meminimalisir remidi di sekolah. Amin.

3. Mengerjakan DET-CON dengan efektif! Amin.

4. Ada kemajuan dalam segala bidang. Amin.

5. Hidup aman bahagia abadi sejahtera sehat sentosa. Amin.

By the way, tentang Clique, audisi tinggal 17 hari lagi and i got really nervous right now! Biarpun aku nggak nyesel bakal maju sendirian, tapi aku takut nggak bisa ngasih yang maksimal. Wismilak saja lah, semoga latihanku selama ini worthed, tapi kalo memang belum saatnya ya udah. Yang jelas, saya semakin rajin latihan belakangan ini, nggak mau malu-maluin lah intinya. Berani maju, berani malu, berani perform sebagus mungkin!

Det-con juga bikin stress akhir-akhir ini, di koran sekarang udah sering muncul update-update tentang det-con, dan kami bahkan nggak ada persiapan sama sekali. Belum fix topik apa yang bakal dibahas, belum bikin proposal dan lain-lain. Kinda frustrating! Semoga TIMES mampu melewatinya, Amin. Anyway, congratulation for the new part of TIMES! Semoga TIMES taon ini bisa kompak dan membawa Sinlui jadi Best School. Amin. Mari kita bekerja sama-sama ya kawan :D

Seguir adelante!

To be a hero, you have to start from zero

I had a really nice chit chat with Ce Elaine yesterday! She inspired me A LOT! Bermula dari omong-omongan dengan Opel *puas koe namamu tak tulis? haha* yang berbuntut lagi pada masalah Clique, Ce Elaine ikut nimbrung dan akhirnya kuceritakan semuanya dari audisi sampe DBL.

Guess what? Ce Elaine ngomong gini "Aku lo ketolak 3 kali malah Pao, kamu baru 2 kali ae to? belum 3 kali.. Pasti isa lah." Yang langsung mucul di otakku pas itu "Jambu, seng nggena ae?! Ce Elaine super juago kayak gitu ketolak 3 kali? 3 KALI? bercanda.." dan detik itu juga aku langsung bener-bener yakin kalo aku harus ikut audisi lagi taon ini!

Winners NEVER quit!

Aku sadar, aku emang gak terlalu pinter nge dance, boleh dibilang cupu abis. Tapi aku memaklumi diriku sendiri kalo aku masih belajar dan akan terus belajar. I won't be afraid to face the audition! Dengan kemampuan pas-pasan, aku berusaha nggak mau liat kelemahanku sendiri, intinya I'll give my best for the audition!

Berhubungan dengan audisi juga, I'M REALLY HAPPY for finishing my ego choreography! Biarpun ngebyte koreo selama 1 menit itu sangat susah buat aku, tapi saya sudah berhasil melakukannya! YAY! tinggal dilanjutkan dan dilatih terus sampe mantep! Selain itu juga harus memantapkan locking P.Y.T yang saya masih belum bisa-bisa. Tapi saya yakin saya pasti bisa!

Pokoknya, Thank you so much Elaine Kartika Sari Hanafi sudah menginspirasi saya dan membuat saya yakin kalo saya harus ikut audisi taon ini juga jadi lebih baik lagi! Apapun hasilnya nanti, pokoknya saya akan berusaha dengan segenap hati akal budi juwa raga dan usaha *halah* Hahaha :D

CAMP *SOCIAL* ROCK!

IPS hanya satu

adanya di sinlui satu

marilah kita bangga jadi IPS

-Hymn of social class, St. Louis 1 Catholic Senior High School

Social, what a perfect choice! Jadi beginilah, Aku telah kembali dari camping IPS. Sebuah kegiatan untuk anak-anak IPS supaya kami bisa jadi angkatan yang kompak dan lebih mengenal satu sama lain. What a fun outbond! Mulai dari tepung-tepungan, mainan koran, lumpur-lumpuran dan nyebur ke sungai super kotor dengan arus yang dueres gak karuan. But it was totally FUN!

Berangkat dan, kami semua naek trek sesuai kelas masing-masing, sepanjang perjalanan aku ngakak gara-gara si Ian super cacad! Ngetawain orang jatoh dari sepeda motor "Wee! ndas'e ucul ndas'e ucul!!" *selama perjalanan menuju pacet, ada 2 kecelakaan motor* Ngakak beneran! Ini beneran first time naek trek TNI. Sangar! Waktu pulang di trek, perjalanan 2 jam pacet-surabaya nggak kerasa sama sekali gara-gara Aku, Merlin, Aynie, Yulia, MET, Candy, Monica, Devi, Nila cerita-cerita tentang hantu-hantu. Satu tidur, dua tidur, tiga tidur, empat pura-pura tidur.. *Hiiiiiiiiii*

Tentang Sativa, tempatnya super PW! Ini tempat camp dengan penginapan super PW yang pernah aku ikuti. Kasurnya empuk, bantalnya juga, spreinya bersih. Temen seJOGLOnya juga seru-seru, meskipun buanyak buanget! Tapi beneran asik bisa satu JOGLO bareng Jaey, JeLi, MET, Niki, Jenica, Vero, Clara, Catrul, dan sekitar 40 cewek lainnya.

Selama kegiatan di sana, saya mengikuti dengan super hepi! *kecuali mulai misa sampe acara puncak tengah malem. Kebelet TIDUR boy!* Apalagi waktu tracking di sungai. Bener-bener menyenangkan! Sekarang aku jadi tau kok orang bisa mati kebawa arus, soalnya aku baru tau biarpun keliatannya kecil, tapi ternyata namanya arus itu deres banget! Mau jalan aja susah banget rasanya sampe keseret-seret. Bahkan, sepatu reebok saya yang masih bagus tanpa cela meskipun udah dari jaman kelas 2 SMP, solnya kanan kiri bisa copot waktu tracking saking deres dan berbatu-batunya sungai itu. Akhirnya, si reebok sekarang berakhir di tong sampah. Semoga kau tenang ya sepatuku..

Waktu api unggun juga seru! Mulai IS 1- IS 5 rebutan heboh-hebohan yel-yel dan talent show. Untung IS 4 punya Mario, Untung otak kita meskipun udah malem masih jalan, kami yang nggak punya persiapan buat talent show, dengan spontan langsung nyanyi di depan, meski aku nyadar itu guaring dan juayus banget, but at least kita maju dan berusaha kompak lah. *FYI, kita ngaku-ngaku udah mempersiapkan semuanya di depan panitia dan kelas lainnya kalo kita udah mempersiapkan semuanya, tapi sebenernya belum. Itu cuma kedok biar nggak malu-maluin. Hahaha* Begitu juga dengan slogan IPS. Kita nggak ada persiapan sama sekali, sekali lagi Mario menjadi penyelamat dengan memberi slogan spontan "IPS.. You can imagine yourself because you are Social. HUHA!". Itulah IPS, pinter ngeles tapi nggak cuma nggombes! ;)

Akibat dari berbasah-basahan selama 2 hari berturut-turut dan harus ngantri mandi kayak ngantri sembako *Namanya juga cewek, mandinya pasti lama, ditambah lagi dengan badan super kotor dan rambut ber'shampoo'kan tepung. Satu taon nungguin mereka selesai mandi!*, saya akhirnya masuk angin. Ya, masuk angin. Sampe waktu pulang saya *maaf* mencret-mencret sampe 7 kali. Untungnya begitu pulang sang Mama tercinta langsung dengan senang hati menawari saya untuk kerokan, sekarang sudah sedikit membaik lah, meskipun tetep aja perutku rasanya angin semua, darn! Semuanya jadi serba nggak enak.

Satu lagi kejadian unik waktu ikut camp, nggak tahu kenapa, waktu pulang dan pergi, kami selalu diguyur hujan, tapi anehnya, selama kegiatan berlangsung nggak pernah turun hujan. Mungkin angkatan kami memang IPS yang terberkati.. hahaha :p

Abis pulang dari camp, aku mampir kos Catrul bareng Clara dan Vero buat nunggu jemputan sambil berfoto-foto dan nggak jelas-nggak jelas ria. Hahaha. Here are some photos..

Penghinaan untuk villagers si sandal jepit super alay

Hindi Style ;)

Nonton Keong Racun Jojo Sintrul version *pose alami*

Btw, Sampe sekarang aku belum ngeluarin baju penuh lumpur dan baju basah kena air sungai super kotor dari koperku. Wew..

Song of the day: Not a very good liar - David Archuleta♥